Falling in love is easy, but keeping that love thriving in a committed relationship for years? That\u2019s the real art. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whether you\u2019re a hopeless romantic or a pragmatic realist, every lasting love shares one thing in common: commitment. And yes, there\u2019s a science to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nPsychologists like Caryl Rusbult have found that commitment is built on three core pillars: satisfaction, investment, and low interest in other options. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Nail those, and your relationship becomes far more resilient to stress, distance, and even conflict. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udcda Source: Rusbult, C.E., Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
So before we jump into the rules, let\u2019s get clear on what a committed relationship really means, because if you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re building, how will you know you\u2019re building it right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[Read: Honeymoon Phase: What It Is & 53 Signs to Know How Long This Stage Will Last<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is a committed relationship?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
A committed relationship is more than just calling each other boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. It\u2019s a mutual decision to make each other a priority, invest in the relationship long\u2011term, and work through challenges together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Psychologists describe commitment as a mix of:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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- Satisfaction<\/strong>: You\u2019re happy with what you have.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Investment<\/strong>: You\u2019ve put in time, energy, and emotional effort you don\u2019t want to lose.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Low interest in alternatives<\/strong>: You\u2019re not scanning the horizon for someone \u201cbetter.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
This comes from the Investment Model of commitment, which research shows predicts how likely couples are to stay together. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udcda Source: Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (1986), Love and the expansion of self<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
In short, it\u2019s not about locking yourself down, it\u2019s about choosing your person every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Should you have rules in a relationship?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Relationships are not like board games. If we follow the rules, we all play Monopoly the same way. But we\u2019re not given an instruction sheet with committed relationship rules because not every relationship is identical, nor do they require the same things. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You might wonder if committed relationships should even have rules in the first place. In short, yes. [Read: Relationship rules – 30 must-follow tips to live your best love life<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the difference between rules for relationships and board games is flexibility. Generally, board games are rigid in instruction, while relationship rules are more guidelines for success and happiness. Your partner should never say, \u201cGo directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.\u201d Monopoly, however, is notorious for exactly that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Relationships aren\u2019t jail, after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why commitment & committed relationship rules are important in a relationship<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Commitment is nothing but pure dedication. It\u2019s devoting yourself to making your relationship feel like a safe and secure place to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Commitment is so important in a relationship that some might say it\u2019s the foundation upon which relationships are truly built and trust formed. It signifies honesty, respect, and understanding, among many other things. [Read: What is commitment and how to know if you have it<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every relationship staple stands under the umbrella of commitment. Without that umbrella, your trust and respect aren\u2019t safe from other world elements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nResearch shows that secure attachment styles foster deeper trust and commitment, while insecure or avoidant patterns can undermine it, even in otherwise loving relationships.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udcda Source: Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1987), Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are you ready to commit to a relationship and follow the most important committed relationship rules?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Most of us desperately want to be in a committed relationship, but when we\u2019re finally in one, we freak out and find a way to sabotage it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finding someone and falling in love can be really scary. But once you move past the fear, it feels like you\u2019re floating on cloud nine. It\u2019ll be so easy, and everything will flow effortlessly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before you can get to that point, you need to figure out if you\u2019re even ready to be in such a relationship. Reading these committed relationship rules and signs will give you a better idea of what\u2019s involved and what\u2019s expected of you. [Read: 17 questions to know if you’re ready for a relationship<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Situationship vs committed relationship<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
A situationship is like relationship limbo, there\u2019s chemistry, shared experiences, maybe even exclusivity, but no clear long\u2011term commitment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a committed relationship, there\u2019s mutual agreement on the future, emotional reliability, and a willingness to work through challenges together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re stuck wondering where you stand, that\u2019s a sign you probably haven\u2019t hit real commitment yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[Read: Situationship: Why People Like It, 51 Signs, Rules & Ways to Tell If It\u2019s For You<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Signs that you’re in a committed relationship<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You might be in a relationship that became so involved so quickly and easily that you didn\u2019t even have time to recognize that you\u2019re suddenly part of a committed relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe it had a casual, easy-going beginning, and you were both so comfortable with one another that it progressed faster than you were able to keep up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re still not sure where your relationship stands, these signs will help you figure out whether you\u2019ve already crossed the line from casual dating to true commitment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. You spend quality time together<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Quality time is not just being in the same room together. Quality time makes you feel loved and more connected to your partner. It\u2019s an active effort to spend time together in a way that enhances your relationship. [Read: Sweet date ideas to try with your boo<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you choose to make time for your partner and do things together that really increase your bond, you\u2019re definitely in a committed relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. You meet each other’s needs<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Happy relationships<\/a> are dependent upon your core needs. You and your significant other might require very different things to feel loved and secure in a relationship, and it\u2019s up to each of you to make sure that the other knows what those things are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being able to do the things that your partner needs in order to feel fulfilled in your relationship is a huge success, but it\u2019s definitely a dance that needs communication and compromise from both of you. [Read: The most important needs in a relationship for it to grow and last<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. You’re there for each other during tough times<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Nobody gets away with living an easy, breezy life in which nothing negative ever happens. You might get turned down for a job or even fired. You might get seriously sick or injured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So many bad things happen to decent people every day, and the only thing that can make those things slightly more bearable is being comforted and supported by the one you love. Being able to support your partner in their time of need is one of the most important committed relationship rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. You go out of your way for each other<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Do you often make special efforts to do something for your partner, and do they do the same for you? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe you knew they had a weird day at work, so you went to one place to pick up their favorite dessert and another place to pick up their coffee of choice as a simple effort to give them a little cheer. Or maybe you find yourself being rescued a lot by your partner because you\u2019re always locking your keys in your car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You have somebody to do for you and somebody you\u2019re happy to do for, and it feels good. [Read: 41 ways to show someone you love them<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. You share secrets with one another<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
One of the primary committed relationship signs is to be honest. If you\u2019ve found someone with whom you have no qualms about sharing your secrets, you\u2019ve hit the jackpot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finding that kind of comfort with someone else can be exhilarating. It\u2019s not easy to share things that you\u2019ve generally kept hidden. It might be something small, like the fact that you still sleep with your baby blanket, or something more serious, like the difficulties of growing up with a narcissistic mom<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. You get invited to family events<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Family events are sacred for a lot of us. Nobody wants outsiders at their intimate family gatherings, so it\u2019s a pretty big deal to be included. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re inviting your significant other to family events and you\u2019re being invited to theirs, it\u2019s safe to say that you\u2019re in a committed relationship. [Read: How to get along with your partner’s family<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
7. You go on vacation together<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Vacations and holidays are times during which you\u2019re generally confined to being surrounded by your significant other for a fair period of time. You don\u2019t go to the beach and immediately separate from the person you went with, and you don\u2019t go to a cozy cabin with your partner expecting to have some time to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you go on vacation together, your relationship might be a little more serious than you thought it was. [Read: Vacation ideas that create romance and bring you closer<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
8. You talk about your future together<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
In the beginning, you talked about your plans for the next weekend. Now, you might be planning a trip six months in advance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe you\u2019ve talked about living together, or maybe you\u2019ve even talked about marriage. Any serious conversation about something taking place in the future is a sure sign that you\u2019re in a committed relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can you be in a relationship without commitment?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Of course, you can – if you\u2019re looking for the whole thing to go up in flames. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
First of all, committing to a relationship without commitments IS a commitment. You\u2019re committing to having no expectations in your relationship, which is virtually impossible. Relationships without clear expectations are breeding grounds for jealousy, mistrust, and general disaster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re only interested in casual relationships right now, that\u2019s fine. [Read: 20 must-follow rules for casual relationships<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re in it for the long haul, these committed relationship rules can help you and your partner manage your expectations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Must-know committed relationship rules you should never ignore<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You thought you\u2019d only have to work one job for the rest of your life, but it\u2019s not work in the sense that you need to pick up a shovel or sit at an office desk all day long. It\u2019s a different type of effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When it comes to committed relationships, there are times when things will feel routine and loveless. If you follow these committed relationship rules, then you won\u2019t have to worry about those moments. These rules help you to cultivate a happy love. [Read: These healthy relationship expectations will define a good love life<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Honesty is key<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you want to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship, this is the time when you\u2019re going to have to be honest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re not honest with your partner, who are you going to be honest with? Honesty is a crucial rule to follow in a committed relationship. [Read: What secrets are you allowed to keep in your relationship?<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. It can\u2019t always go your way<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When you were single, the only person you had to think of was yourself. You did whatever you wanted to do without big debates or negotiations. You made the decisions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now there are two people in the equation, which means you\u2019re not always going to have it your way. You\u2019re in a partnership now, which depends on compromising and working together. [Read: How to compromise without losing in your relationship<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Arguing is healthy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When we know that couples are arguing, we assume they don\u2019t have a solid relationship. That\u2019s not completely true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Arguments are absolutely normal<\/a> *within reason*. You and your significant other will never agree on everything. If you do, one of you might be a robot. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. You need to work at these committed relationship rules constantly<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You need to work on your relationship constantly to have a happy one. The moment you slip and let your relationship take second priority, you will have problems. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Small amounts of consistent, mindful effort can work wonders in the flow of your relationship. [Read: The 19 rules to being a good partner in a relationship<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. There\u2019s no limit to expressions of love<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
There’s no limit when it comes to showing your partner how much you love them. You can take them to dinner or buy them a gift, but remember that there are other ways to show love. Going for a walk with them, cuddling in bed, or giving them a kiss before work. These expressions are endless, nearly effortless, and make a big impact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. Only you two know your love<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When it comes to learning about the most important committed relationship rules, you might talk to your friends and family about your relationship. But you and your partner are the only two people that understand your love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t put a ton of importance on the advice that others give you. What works for one couple will almost certainly not work for another. At the end of the day, you know what will improve your relationship. [Read: 16 common relationship tips that ruin your love life<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
7. Ask for what you need<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes, there are moments when you\u2019re feeling unsatisfied in the relationship. You may feel like you\u2019re not being listened to or not spending enough time with your partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These are needs that must be met because they\u2019re important to you. If you\u2019re not getting this, ask. Your partner can\u2019t read your mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We mentioned above that making sure your needs and your partner\u2019s needs are met is a two-way street. If you\u2019re not communicating, it just can\u2019t happen. [Read: 16 steps to communicate for better love<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
8. Your partner isn\u2019t perfect<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You\u2019ll need to accept this if you want to stay in a committed relationship. Some people can\u2019t accept their partner\u2019s flaws, and their relationship suffers or doesn\u2019t make it. Accept that your partner isn\u2019t perfect because they will make mistakes. You aren\u2019t perfect either, and you\u2019ll make mistakes, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is one of the toughest but most helpful committed relationship rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
9. Have the tough conversations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
No one likes difficult conversations, but you cannot keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself to avoid awkwardness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you do, you risk having those issues continuously reappear in the future. Deal with tough conversations immediately so you can move on rather than dwell. [Read: How to communicate with your partner and end the roller coaster<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
10. Try to be fair<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When it comes to money, it\u2019s important that you try to approach the relationship fairly. Don\u2019t let your partner pay for everything. Pitch in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your partner may want to pay for everything, but show your appreciation by doing it every once in a while. This tackles multiple committed relationship rules at once!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
11. Don\u2019t slack off<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you buy your partner chocolate or flowers every Friday, keep the tradition going. Whatever you did at the beginning of the relationship, continue to do it. If not, your partner might wonder why it\u2019s stopped and if they\u2019ve done something wrong. [Read: Understanding what makes a good relationship good<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
12. Like what your partner does<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Try to respect and appreciate it, at least. You don\u2019t have to like that they still play Pokemon or wrestle on the weekends, but you do have to appreciate the passions in their life. If they love it, support them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
13. Don\u2019t memorize the stereotypes<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When you were younger, you read magazine sex articles and absorbed as much advice as possible. Don\u2019t listen to old magazines for sex advice. You\u2019ll be setting yourself up for unreachable expectations and feelings of failure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be comfortable with what you\u2019ve got. Your significant other hasn\u2019t complained, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
14. Thoughtfulness goes a long way<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
People tend to forget the importance of small things. Pay attention to your partner and listen to them when they\u2019re having a bad day. There is nothing more meaningful than truly caring about your partner. [Read: How to express your appreciation to someone you love<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
15. You can\u2019t fix them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Your partner is flawed, and so are you. Going into a relationship in hopes of fixing and molding them into your ideal person isn\u2019t going to happen. Love them for how they are – flaws and all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re trying to fix your partner, you\u2019re with the wrong person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
16. Leave ego out of it<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Ego has no place in any relationship. You and your partner should treat each other as equals, no matter where or what either of you came from. You are no better than your partner in your relationship, and they\u2019re no better than you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
17. Learn from each other<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
There are so many ways to do this, making it one of the better committed relationship rules. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe your partner is a history buff, but you\u2019re more of a grammarian. Perhaps they never learned how to scramble eggs, and you have no idea how to change your windshield wipers. The amount of knowledge that can be exchanged is practically endless!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t just have to learn from<\/em> each other, either. Make sure that you take some time to learn about<\/em> each other. [Read: 60 deep & fun get to know you questions<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
18. Think about your partner before making big decisions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
As we\u2019ve mentioned, you\u2019re in a partnership now. Your decisions no longer only affect you. Before, you could have taken the job across the country without consulting anyone else. You could have brought home a new puppy to spoil and love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But what if your partner\u2019s job won\u2019t allow them to relocate? What if they\u2019re allergic to dogs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re serious about your relationship, this is the most necessary of the committed relationship rules. Consider your partner, or prepare to lose them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
19. Have sex every time that you possibly can<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Sex isn\u2019t only great for the health benefits and better sleep. It\u2019s essential to fostering a good relationship. Physical intimacy is directly linked to emotional connection<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The healthier your sex life is, the healthier your relationship will be. Increasing the amount of sex that you have is easily the most fun of the committed relationship rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
20. Work past your insecurities<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Insecurities can manifest in all kinds of negative ways in your relationship. If you have low self-esteem, you might consider yourself to be unlovable<\/a> and find yourself questioning your partner\u2019s motives. If you have deep trust issues, you might find yourself assuming that your partner isn\u2019t being faithful. [Read: How to date someone with trust issues<\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is to say that insecurities are vultures that feed on making you feel less than others. They wreak havoc on your relationship by causing tension that\u2019s usually unnecessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you have serious insecurities, make sure that you communicate with your significant other about them so that you can get a handle on them together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n